The best god jokes

What is the ideal cockpit crew? A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: air force, airplane, god
God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
Vote: has 65.70 % from 95 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: asian, geography, god, work
A college Professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there is no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin drop. Ten minutes went by. Again the Professor taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still waiting!" His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine, just released from active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor and punched him full-force in the face. The Professor tumbled from his lofty platform, and he was out cold before he hit the floor. At first the students were shocked, and they babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silently. The class fell silent... waiting. Eventually, the Professor came to. When he finally regained the power of speech, he glared at the young Marine in the front row. "What's the matter with you? Why on earth did you do that?" The Marine smiled. "God was busy. He sent me."
Vote: has 65.41 % from 81 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: atheist, communication, god, military, school
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
Vote: has 65.20 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, insulting, money, Yo mama
God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, men, work
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, god, sex
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, god, life
One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that." The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." "Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest." Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!"
Vote: has 64.50 % from 120 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, little Johnny, priest
Yo mama so old she used a walker when Jesus was born.
Vote: has 64.26 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, god, insulting, Yo mama
Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, god, Yo mama


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