The best god jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: god, insulting, money, Yo mama
Bill Gates dies and goes to God. God says to him: Because you invented the screen saver I give you the possibility to go wherever you want. God shoes Bill that in hell there are lots of naked chicks and beaches. So he chooses hell. After a while God returns and asks him if he like’s it there. Bill says: No! Where are all the chicks you just showed me? Oh that! That was just a screen saver.
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: god, IT
One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa." Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation. One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy." This nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he appologised to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today." "You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
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has 62.15 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: dad, god, marriage, work
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: doctor, god, life
"Sorry sir, are these plastic flowers?" "As natural!" "What? They are natural?" "No, plastic!" "But, for Christ Sake, sir! Are they natural or plastic?" "Natural plastic!"
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: god, women
Yo mama is so old that God doesn't remember her.
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, god, memory, Yo mama
Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans. One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven. Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost. A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?". "Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya. First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!". "Thank God!" Joe shouts... "What is the bad news?!". "You're pitching tomorrow."
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has 59.09 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: game, god, heaven, sport
Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ? A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
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has 58.94 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: black humor, god, religious
Guy comes up the hill, look up to the sky and yells, "God, I want to hear your opinion! Is Facebook harmful?" And response from heaven, "A moment, I just finish this status.."
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has 58.59 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, god
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