The best heaven jokes

A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
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has 49.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food, heaven
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, heaven, lawyer, work
Chuck Norris found the stairway to heaven, but he prefers the elevator.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, heaven
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, heaven
How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight.
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, heaven
A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool. The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?" God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
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has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: god, heaven, lawyer
Why is manna from heaven like horse hay? Both are food from aloft!
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has 31.06 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, heaven
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
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has 29.51 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: heaven, men
Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.
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has 28.23 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: black humor, heaven
Yo mama is so fat that when she died jesus couldn't lift her soul to heaven.
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has 26.77 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, fat, god, heaven, Yo mama
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