Chuck Norris found the stairway to heaven, but he prefers the elevator.
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If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
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Chuck Norris does, in fact, put his pants on two legs at a time.
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Yo mama is so fat that when she died jesus couldn't lift her soul to heaven.
Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy."
Jimmy says, "Now!
I can see why they threw him out!
Never tell Chuck Norris he lost the game because he will make you lose the game then roundhouse kick you in the face making you lose twice.
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Chuck Norris could play cd-based games on his Nintendo 64.
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Kings buy Chuck Norris size beds.
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John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.
One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere.
Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time.
St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"
Chuck Norris is Darth Vaders father.
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A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up."
Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner.
The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?"
The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."