Joke #7132

Chuck Norris found the stairway to heaven, but he prefers the elevator.
Vote:
has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, heaven

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
Vote:
has 34.25 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, heaven
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
Vote:
has 68.32 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, god, heaven, life
If you want to commit suicide, all you need to do is say,"Chuck Norris is a loser."
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven. "Knock knock," says Peter. Miraculously, someone answers him. "Who's there," a voice in the distance asked. "God," says Peter. "God who," asked the voice? "GOD DAMMIT open these gates! I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
Vote:
has 44.62 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, heaven, knock-knock, sex
Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with no one on base.
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
Vote:
has 74.65 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
Vote:
has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
Vote:
has 62.37 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: christian, communication, ethnic, heaven, time
Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven. God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force." The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty." The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"
Vote:
has 85.04 % from 399 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, family, god, heaven
Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22, but he roundhouse kicked it down to to a 12 pack and literally drank his problems away.
Vote:
has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drunk