The best husband jokes

The male worm towards the female worm: Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, husband
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, husband
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. ”Are you hurt?” he asked.”Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”
Vote: has 42.06 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, husband, marriage
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard? A: Shoot him again.
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage
A wife wanted an expensive fur coat from the executive husband to celebrate their Silver wedding anniversary. The miser overbearing rich husband rejected the expensive but affordable demand. He said, "You grow the hair on your chest and I will give you fur coat to cover it." The wife was out of control with anger. She pulls up her skirt, drops and throws her panties and pushes her hairy pubic area forward. She said, "There! I have the hair on my chest, now buy me that damn coat!" "That’s not your chest, that is your pussy!" husband screamed back. "Oh yes that is my chest all right" she yelled back. "While we were dating this was your chest of hope. We got married and on our honeymoon you used to tease me it was your chest of pleasure. Then I started bearing children and it became your chest of family, and damn it. If you don’t buy me that fur coat, it is going to be the community chest of public."
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wedding, wife
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
Vote: has 41.30 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, husband, women
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, husband
A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore. The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?" "Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife. "Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: game, husband, sport, wife
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
Vote: has 38.22 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, fish, husband


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