The best husband jokes

There is a lady laying in bed. At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.” His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.” Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”
Vote:
has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, husband
The male worm towards the female worm: Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!
Vote:
has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, husband
Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet seat... Husband: How does it help Wife: I use your toothbrush!
Vote:
has 47.36 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
Vote:
has 46.63 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence. She warns him that he'll fart his guts out. One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence. The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"
Vote:
has 45.97 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, husband, marriage, wife
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
Vote:
has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: baby, husband, men
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard? A: Shoot him again.
Vote:
has 44.84 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
A wife returns late at night back home. "Where have you been?" asks her husband. "With a friend. But don't worry, there were no men." One day later the husband returns back home late. "Don't worry; I was also with a friend. And there were no men either…"
Vote:
has 44.84 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
Vote:
has 44.74 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, work
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
Vote:
has 44.47 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, women
<<<20212223
More jokes →
Page 20 of 23.