The best husband jokes

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."
Vote: has 76.46 % from 472 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, wife
A lady walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," the lady said. "Now you have to remove them."
Vote: has 76.32 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, husband
I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, husband
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!" Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
Vote: has 75.16 % from 129 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, love, men
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, life, wife
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men, time
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
Vote: has 74.84 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, life, work
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
Vote: has 74.46 % from 174 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, husband
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample". After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "He needs a pair of your underwear".
Vote: has 74.33 % from 84 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, drug, husband, wife
My husband told me to find him the best penis enlargement product. So I gave him a magnifying glass!
Vote: has 74.22 % from 612 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, sex