The best husband jokes

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, husband, lawyer, sex
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Vote: has 75.43 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, life, marriage, sex
I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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A lady walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," the lady said. "Now you have to remove them."
Vote: has 75.20 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, husband
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!" Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
Vote: has 75.16 % from 129 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, love, men
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, life, wife
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men, time
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
Vote: has 74.84 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, life, work
My husband told me to find him the best penis enlargement product. So I gave him a magnifying glass!
Vote: has 74.39 % from 616 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, sex
A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins. Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sex. So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband. "OK, honey," he says, "this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom." The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees. So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed. The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous erection. The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other. But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife — right into the dresser. He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain. The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him. His throbbing dick is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, "Doc, doc, how bad is it?" "That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob."
Vote: has 74.15 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, disgusting, doctor, holiday, husband