The best husband jokes

A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother: "Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale." "Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."
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has 73.48 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, family, husband
A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: husband, mean, sex, wife
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
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has 72.86 % from 192 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, husband
A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special. With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better. The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate." The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one. The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?" The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"
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has 72.70 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, holiday, husband, mexican
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, mean, men, wife
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
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has 72.51 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants and raised her legs. The dentist said: "Excuse me; I 'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady "I want you to take my husband's teeth out."
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has 72.48 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: dentist, dirty, husband, old people, sex
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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has 72.05 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men, time
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dad, husband, kids, wife
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
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has 71.88 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, women