Joke #10031

May 6th, 1945: A then five-year old Chuck Norris swam the Atlantic Ocean. The next day, the Nazis surrendered...
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has 32.12 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, time, travel

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An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." The Canadian said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible, Canadians always have to show your passports on arrival in France!" The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
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has 85.91 % from 1039 votes. More jokes about: age, airplane, old people, travel, war
A blonde calls her mom... Blonde: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!" Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?" Blonde: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
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has 85.53 % from 1070 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, time
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
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has 84.52 % from 1709 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life, travel
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
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has 84.27 % from 1575 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, travel
Once chuck norris and time had race. Result: The time is still running.
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has 82.95 % from 794 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 82.47 % from 960 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
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has 82.32 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, death, heaven, time
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety three." "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: "It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."
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has 81.03 % from 272 votes. More jokes about: age, church, communication, time, vulgar
One evening a old man is traveling at 70mph in a 30mh zone a little further down the road. A police car pulls him over and tells him "I've been following you for 5 minutes and you kept accelerating." The police officer says to the speeder "I finish my shift in 2 minutes. If you can give me an excuse I haven't heard before I will let you go as it will save me any paper work." The speeder replies "My wife ran away with a police officer 3 years ago, I thought you were bringing her back." The police officer returns to his patrol car and drives a way.
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has 80.74 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, old people, time, travel
You must keep in shape. My grandmother started walking five kilometers when she was 60 and now she's 97, and we don't have a clue where she is!
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has 80.60 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: age, old people, travel