What do cows do when they re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
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Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest.
The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!"
The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!"
"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute."
The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut."
He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."
Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
A lot of bites.
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?
A slippery customer.
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked.
"Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically.
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice.
And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Vote:
How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible!
What is the definition of "moon"?
The past tense of "moo"!