Did you hear about the snobby cow?
She thought she was a cutlet above the rest.
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What book did the rabbit take on vacation?
One with a hoppy ending.
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't.
The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?"
The dog answers "ROOF."
The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying."
The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else".
The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time".
The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door.
As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".
Q: What do you call a black and white thing rolling down a hill
A: A maori and a segull fighting over a fishhead.
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How do you hire a horse?
Put a brick under each hoof!
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because it won't come.
Two skunks were being chased by a bear.
As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said "Whatever shall we do?"
"Let us spray!" replied the other.
Q: What is a crowbar?
A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
"Yes, ma'am," the old salt confided to the inquisitive lady, "I fell over the side of the ship, and a shark he come along and grabbed me by the leg."
"Merciful providence!" his hearer gasped. "And what did you do?"
"Let 'im 'ave the leg, o' course, ma'am. I never argues with sharks."