Joke #10098

Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive? A: OxFord.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, driving
Make the world your playground. Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps. If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do. When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often. When in trouble, just purr and look cute. Life is hard, and then you nap. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy. Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, couple, disgusting, old people
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."
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has 81.89 % from 676 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, fart, husband, time
How did the calf's final exam turn out? Grade A.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown? A chameleon on a tartan rug.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why couldn't the pony sing? A: Because he's a little hoarse.
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has 50.61 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, sex, Yo mama
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, music
What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!
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has 64.93 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal