Joke #5177

Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.

I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!

What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear Jordan.

If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.

"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."

An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? " The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull... With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs... "Your badge... Show him your badge!"

What happens when a cow stops shaving? It grows a Moostache.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?

One simply cannot play fair and win in a zoo - there are way too many cheetahs.