Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
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The waitress asked how I would like my coffee.
I told her: "like my woman - hot and black".
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Either the woman at the back of the train has two really ugly children, or two seriously cool Pokémons.
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home during a small party.
He was a bit foggy after having a drink or two.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went red with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, with the guests not saying a word, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
What is a buttress?
A female goat.
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.
An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear.
The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out.
After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well...it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...".
The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee...I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".
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A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.