Joke #1025

I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

An old man goes to his doctor. The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's." And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"

Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" asks the retiree. The Doctor remarks, "You've broken your finger!"

Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. “What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?” “Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”

Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"

A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” “He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled. The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?” The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?” The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!” The woman then gave the officer her license. “I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?” The old man replied, “He said he knows you!