Joke #13817

If you are ill, so lie down and you'll walk it sooner loose.

I recently went to my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. I was a bit worried what he meant by that, so I asked him, "Do you think I'll live to be eighty, Doc?" He looked at me and asked me, "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?" I said, "No, nothing like that. And I don't do drugs either." He looked at me again and asked me, "Okay, do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my old doctor told me that all red meat is very unhealthy." He looked at me again and asked me, "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" I replied, "No, nothing like that." He looked at me again and asked me, "And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" I said, "No, nothing like that, Doc." He looked at me again and said, "Then why do you even care?"

Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.

Chuck Norris made sick the healthy chocolate.

Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment? A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!

A boy with a physical disability has just returned from a summer camp. His mum with an astonished face notices a diploma dancing for 1st place at the bottom of the boy's luggage. Mum: "Jimmy, did you dance with a girl?" Boy: "Nouuu." Mum: "Did you dance with a boy then?" Boy: "No, mum." Mum: "So how did you get it?" Boy: "I went to take some tea."

In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts. Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him. Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

Did you know Chuck Norris's tears was the curernto Cansa, but the problem was he never ever cried.