If you are ill, so lie down and you'll walk it sooner loose.
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A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live.
"That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient.
"Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him...
- Good, good, good...
- Doctor, what's good?
- Good that I don't have what you have...
Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers."
Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
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Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
A: She sneezes.
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Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops?
A: Apparently they make you look hard.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
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Q: What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
A: Bronchitis.
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?"
Voice: "This is my father."
Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
A: The taste
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A man went to visit his doctor.
“Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
“Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!”
“Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”