If you are ill, so lie down and you'll walk it sooner loose.
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Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance.
Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.
She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old.
He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.
“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.”
She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.”
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one
another.
As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!”
“Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank?
A: The sperm is handmade.
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
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What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer's and diarrhea. You're running, but can't remember where.
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients?
A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
Yo momma so stupid she thought that doctor pepper could heal her.
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?"
Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour."
Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
Q: Who is brave?
A: He who has diarrhea and wants to fart!
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