Joke #13817

If you are ill, so lie down and you'll walk it sooner loose.
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has 64.28 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: health

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Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
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has 68.24 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: health, marriage, wife
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get underway. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: airplane, communication, dog, health
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, money
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
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has 80.13 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: driving, health, stupid, work
Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, health
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
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has 60.85 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn"t it?"
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body. Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
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has 68.35 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: doctor, flirt, health, mean, romantic