Joke #10268

I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy." That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick, right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Checking for bees!" said Tarzan.

Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally naked, spread-eagle on her bed. He thought, "Hmm... I could fly through that open window and be in and out before she even knew what hit her!" With nothing more than a rustle of the curtains, Superman was on his way, thinking, "Wow! She is really tight!" Back in her bedroom, Wonder Woman sat up asking, "What in Amazonia was that?!" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts!"

Q: Ever had sex while camping? A: It's fucking intents.

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"

"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal. "Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.

My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...

The wife is back on the warpath again. I suggested that we make a little sex tape ... she was up for it ... until I suggested holding auditions. I just don’t understand why she is so mad!