Joke #10268

I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
Vote: has 53.07 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

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Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
Vote: has 63.19 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

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Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Justin Timberlake didn't bring sexy back Chuck Norris did.
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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A priest passed near a young boys gang that were hanging out next to the church. He went close to them and asked them: "What are you boys doing there?" "Not much, Father. We are playing a game in which however says the biggest lie about his sexual life, wins!" "Oh, boys!" surprised said the priest. "When I was your age I wasn’t even thinking about sex!" And the boys unanimously: "You won, Father!"
Vote: has 77.67 % from 503 votes. Send joke:

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A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"
Vote: has 79.25 % from 599 votes. Send joke:

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The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."
Vote: has 59.95 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
Vote: has 68.73 % from 339 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Vote: has 74.00 % from 447 votes. Send joke:

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A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
Vote: has 75.53 % from 191 votes. Send joke:

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Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Vote: has 50.17 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

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