Joke #1035

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
Vote:
has 85.39 % from 454 votes. More jokes about: husband, military

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A wife woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house, and heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released tonight."
Vote:
has 55.49 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, prison, wife
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
Vote:
has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: baby, husband, men
Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
Vote:
has 40.31 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
Vote:
has 66.17 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
Vote:
has 38.74 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, military, money
Q: In the Navy, how do they separate the men from the boys? A: With a crowbar.
Vote:
has 55.00 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: military
Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper... Take my iPad..." Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument. Show your smartness in office, not at home.
Vote:
has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, office, technology, wife
Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.
Vote:
has 68.59 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: military
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."
Vote:
has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dad, husband, kids, wife
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
Vote:
has 61.43 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: doctor, military, women