Joke #10395

Why are rabbits never gold? How would you tell them apart from goldfish?

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven’t got the energy." "Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They’re packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there...

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

Where does a cow stop to drink? The milky way.

Why is a reindeer like a gossip? Because they are both tail bearers.

A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla? An animal that puts you out at night.

‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’ Sue Murphy

In what state will you find the most cows? Moo York.

An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.

Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."