Joke #10452

The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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has 45.68 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, tax, work

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Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building. The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death. That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me." And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
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has 84.96 % from 345 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, food, wife, work
Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert? A: "Yes, the red wire."
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has 84.57 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, work
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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has 84.47 % from 2141 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
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has 84.36 % from 1611 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
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has 83.66 % from 412 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
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has 83.65 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, morbid, relationship, work
On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. "OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!" I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. "Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!" "Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench." Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down. "Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied. "What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously. "I ran a morgue." was the reply.
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has 83.60 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, time, work
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 83.44 % from 908 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
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has 83.40 % from 196 votes. More jokes about: death, heaven, lawyer, work
After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment. And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.
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has 83.18 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: death, family, money, time, work