What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off?
I ll get you next slime.
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Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
A: Fiddler on the hoof.
How are black people and wolves similar?
They both fight in packs.
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Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges?
He's the Easter Bungee.
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere?
Yak the Ripper.
A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street.
When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him.
When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog.
A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes.
He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?"
The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf keeps grimacing.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
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‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy