What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off?
I ll get you next slime.
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Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
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Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive?
A: OxFord.
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?
He stank to the bottom of the pool.
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet.
A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot.
He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'".
The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious.
So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
Why are rabbits never gold?
How would you tell them apart from goldfish?
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Why do moths fly with their legs open?
Cause they've got huge mothballs!