Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. "Ohhh, it's my girlfriend." "What's the problem?" "When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you! Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest.
Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?" Kangaroo: "I can't find my children" Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?" Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.