Joke #651

Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.   After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what song would you get? "Beeflt!"

Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A: They already have boyfriends.

What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer? A lot of bites.

Man comes home from work to find his boyfriend whacking off into a condom. Man says, "WTF?" Boyfriend says, "I am making you a sack lunch!"