Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
I've asked my girlfriend to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?" Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.
How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
Q: What animal has the most kids. A: A sperm whale.
"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.