Joke #11014

A policeman arrested two kids on bonfire night. One for drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He charged one and let the other one off.
Vote:
has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: cop

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

My wife and I have our little fights. We had a fight last week. Nothing much, only two police cars.
Vote:
has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: cop
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: "Do you know where your going?" Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people are leaving.
Vote:
has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: cop
All my friends, we was ready for the second riot. No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random it wouldn't be like that. I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it. No, no, this time we had a list. We were going to get the stuff we need. Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul..
Vote:
has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: cop
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
Vote:
has 85.70 % from 371 votes. More jokes about: cop, military
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
Vote:
has 85.28 % from 345 votes. More jokes about: cop, weed
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed." Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Vote:
has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, flirt, weed
Brings little Johny a can to policeman and asks: Can you please open the can? Policeman knocks at it: Please open the door, police...
Vote:
has 18.06 % from 411 votes. More jokes about: cop, little Johnny
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that."
Vote:
has 84.64 % from 257 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, drunk, health
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Vote:
has 85.76 % from 2182 votes. More jokes about: cop, horse, insulting, money, Santa
A sargeant bawled out a rookie. "Did you watch all of the exits like I told you?" "Yep," the rookie answered. "I think he must have left by one of the entrances!
Vote:
has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: cop