Joke #1128

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer : Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer : Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer : Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer : Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer : You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
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Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Vote: has 85.31 % from 938 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain...the snake died.
Vote: has 83.62 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris knows how to kill you in more ways than you know how to die.
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A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't come in here... you have to go to the other place". But the lawyer was really good and pleaded his case to the point where St. Peter said, "OK... here's what I'll do. You will spend the same amount of time in hell as you did on earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here." The lawyer figured this wasn't too bad of a deal, so he said "OK". St. Peter said, "Great... I'll see you in 350 years.". The lawyer said, "But, how is that possible... I'm only 65 years old!". St Peter said, "We go by billing hours".
Vote: has 81.25 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

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Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 80.60 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

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In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
Vote: has 80.40 % from 171 votes. Send joke:

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You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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