Joke #11311

Always remember: There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drunk, wine

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

I'm a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
Vote: has 84.80 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, wine
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
Vote: has 80.43 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, men, wine
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting, drunk, wine, women
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, drunk
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
Vote: has 82.72 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....and she's always sound asleep."
Vote: has 78.95 % from 255 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, drunk, wife
A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving. The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?" The drunk man, "What drugs?"
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, drug, drunk
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
Vote: has 30.77 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, wine
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk."
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, cop, death, drunk
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, dog, wine