Always remember:
There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
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A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please."
"Did you bring a container for this? "
"You're speaking to it."
I'm a wine enthusiast.
The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest.
She was very good at identifying the wine.
At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed.
At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed.
Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her.
She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!"
And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
The secret of enjoying a good bottle of wine:
1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
A lecturer who was drunk walked in a class.
Ater few minutes he wanted to urinate, he ran out and open a zip slowly, so that he may urinate.
After urinating, that's when he realized that the zip he opened was for a jacket.
Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs.
"Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you."
Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."
I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand.
Coincidence?
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat?
A: The Grape-full Dead!