Always remember:
There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
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A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please."
"Did you bring a container for this? "
"You're speaking to it."
I'm a wine enthusiast.
The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest.
She was very good at identifying the wine.
At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed.
At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed.
Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her.
She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!"
And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
The secret of enjoying a good bottle of wine:
1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night.
The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."
The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."
The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife."
The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.
Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.