Chuck Norris doesn't get drunk.
He simply lowers his IQ to yours.
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Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22, but he roundhouse kicked it down to to a 12 pack and literally drank his problems away.
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Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.
The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb.
Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.
Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.
Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.
Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.
Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.
The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.
When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?"
To which the man replied, "Because tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
Chuck Norris is not impressed with your facts...
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What is the difference between an pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
Chuck Norris can one hit kill a creeper in Minecraft... With a stick.
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Columbus may have discovered America, but after a conversation with Chuck Norris it was decided, Chuck Norris discovered America.
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Chuck Norris gave birth to himself because nobody else is capable (or could even live) to give birth to Chuck Norris.
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You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
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Chuck Norris once encountered the men in black and he still remembers it.
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