The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
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Teen Girl to Friend: "For the prom, I'm renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair."
Teacher who has overheard the conversation: "Wow, that's more than I spent for my wedding!"
Teen Girl: "Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."
"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."
"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
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Q: What do you get when a dinosaur scores a touchdown?
A: A dino-score.
Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.
Vote:
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband:
"So, how do I look?"
"Well, at least you tried..."
Hipsters wear jackets in the summer, before it's cool.
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
What would a computer geek is going to do after seeing a beautiful woman?
"Immediately start downloading it."
While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"