What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Q: Why do economists exist? A: So accountants have someone to laugh at.
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. "Give me all your money", he says. The muggee isindignant. "You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent." "In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"