Joke #11362

What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
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has 80.46 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant

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An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: accountant, genie, war, work
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: accountant, communication, tax
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: accountant, math
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: accountant, doctor, geography, mean
Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
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has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: accountant, work
Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
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has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: accountant
An old man was accounting manager in a company. Every day when he was coming to office, at his desk, he was opening the drawer, seeing something in it very carefully, then he was closing the drawer back. After twenty years of work at the same position, one day he died. After his funeral, his colleagues came to his office to check out what was in his drawer, they opened the drawer, in a piece of paper very bold it was written "Debit Left, Credit Right"
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: accountant, funeral, old people, time, work
"The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoroughly." "What did they say?" "They want 15% to keep quiet."
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, money
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
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has 75.66 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: accountant, geography, lawyer