Joke #11385

Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.

April doesn't fool Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris fools April.

Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.

Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget? A: A spec.

What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!

A doctor complains to his colleagues about the sanitary problems at a latex glove factory in Mexico. "Workers stick their hands in melted latex and then dip their hands in a vat of cooling water to solidify the latex. The glove is then thrown in a finished products box." His colleagues are disgusted by the lack of care taken in keeping the gloves sanitary. "That's not all," says the doctor. "You don't even want to know how they make their condoms!"

Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!

I just recently discovered that there is a national holiday named after Atheism. April FOOLS day. Like this story in the name of Jesus.

At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands." The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."

I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.