Joke #11385

Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like, "Honda." The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?'" "No," the guy says. "My farts do." So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside. After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist." The guy says, "Why a dentist?" The doctor says, "Because you have an absessed tooth." The guy says, "What the hell does that have to do with my condition?" The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Absess makes the farts go Honda!"
Vote: has 37.27 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, fart
Put tape over the optical sensor of someone's mouse.
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More jokes about: April fools, computer
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
Vote: has 23.64 % from 188 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, disgusting, morbid
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Vote: has 21.95 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, desert island, disgusting, sex, women
Paint a bar of soap completely with clear nail polish so it won't suds up.
Vote: has 81.21 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools
A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!" Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says. "Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, computer, IT
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Vote: has 78.00 % from 136 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food, hospital, sex