Joke #11421

Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
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has 76.74 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: atheist, Christmas

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A young teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian. She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too. Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air. There's just one girl who doesn't raise her hand. So the teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. The girl says, "Because I'm not a Christian." The teacher asks, "So what are you then? " The girl replies, "I'm an atheist." The teacher's a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she's an atheist. The girl says, "It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom's atheist, and my Dad's atheist, so I'm atheist."rnrnThe teacher is now angry. " That's no reason." she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?" "Then," says the girl, "I'd be a born-again Christian."
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has 69.53 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: atheist, Christmas, kids, religious, teacher
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!..." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw... brought both paws together... bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, atheist, christian, god, life
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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has 47.75 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dog, food, little Johnny
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
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has 58.42 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: atheist, church, death
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
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has 35.91 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Christmas, health
An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat. He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze. A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you don't believe in me, but now you're asking for my help?" The atheist looked up and said, "Well, ten seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."
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has 74.17 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: atheist, god, time
Q: Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? A: Because they don't believe in higher powers.
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has 77.32 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: atheist, math, religious
Q: What is so ironic about Atheists? A: They're always talking about God.
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has 50.00 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: atheist, god
What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve? Answer: "Halo there!"
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, communication
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
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has 60.15 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, music