Joke #11434

Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on its way to church. Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, "The pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers." "Oh, yeah?" her grandson replied, "So, why is their dad carrying that rifle?"

One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman." The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats." At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut." A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello bitches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"

A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"

A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, that included paying Tithing to the Bishop. Their little five year old boy heard this, than ran to his bedroom, grabbed his piggy bank, went to the Mormon Bishop's home and poured the contents of the piggy bank onto the Bishop's desk. The Bishop asked, "Is this your tithing?" the little boy said, "No Bishop." The Bishop than asked him, "Is this your Fast Offering?" The little boy again said, "No Bishop." The Mormon Bishop had a puzzeled look about him, and than asked, "If this is not your tithing or not your Fast Offering, than What is it?" The little boy said, "It's for you, Bishop, Mommy and Daddy just told me that you are the poorest Bishop that we have had."

Black preacher is driving home from church and sees the white preacher walking down the road. He reluctantly pulls over to offer him a ride. A short distance along the way the whit guy says " you people don't actually think Jesus was black do you?" "And what makes think he's not?" The black pastor snaps back. The conversation becomes so heated less than needed attention was paid to the road and both men died in a trgic head on collision. When st. Peter opened the pearly gates to heaven before them, there stood Jesus Christ himself. He spread his arms slowly in a welcoming gesture and said "Buenos dias amigos!"

A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church. He got colt feet.

A priest passed near a young boys gang that were hanging out next to the church. He went close to them and asked them: "What are you boys doing there?" "Not much, Father. We are playing a game in which however says the biggest lie about his sexual life, wins!" "Oh, boys!" surprised said the priest. "When I was your age I wasn’t even thinking about sex!" And the boys unanimously: "You won, Father!"

J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city. After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the Pope. Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say. He keeps asking the Pontiff questions about the church and, in particular, the nuns. "Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?" Grumpy asks. "No, my son, all of our nuns are at least five feet tall," smiles the Pope. "Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that are, say, about my height? Maybe a little shorter?" "I'm afraid not. Why do you ask?" "No reason," replies Grumpy. "But you're positive? Nobody in a habit that's about three feet tall, maybe two-and-a-half feet tall?" "I'm sure, my vertically-challenged son," says the Pope, trying not show his curiosity. "Okay," moans Grumpy. So the Pope listens to the dwarves as they leave the building. "What'd he say? What'd he say?" chant the other six dwarves. Grumpy mutters, "He said they don't have any." And the other six start chanting, "Grumpy fucked a penguin! Grumpy fucked a penguin!"