Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked... with beer.
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing. "Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day." "That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?" "Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"? A: They want to watch their asses.
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That’s a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'" "What’s your name?” she asked. He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."