A guy walks into an auto shop and says, "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA." The car mechanic thinks for a few seconds then says, "Ok, that seems like a fair trade."
Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come on ova' here a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an' me is doing basically da same work?" Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic. "Try doing it with the engine running."
A blonde meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic. "Everything ok with your car now?" "Yes, thank goodness," the blonde replies. "Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?" "Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again. "What was the matter?" she asks. "Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies. Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
A blonde pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died. After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly. "What's the story?" she asked. "Just crap in the carburator," the mechanic replied. "How often do I have to do that?" asked the blonde.
A penguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car. The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal." "Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."
One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car. The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out. The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing. After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”
In a car there are two persons: a car mechanic and a programmer. They where going to work when suddenly the car broke down. The car mechanic tries to make the car work again but no solution. Suddenly the programmer says: "I say we better FORMAT it!"
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.
A guy at a bar was just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."