Joke #11804

Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
Vote: has 83.88 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, black humor, relationship, time
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
Vote: has 81.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day
Bill wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bill looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Bill asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Bill asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"
Vote: has 79.35 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drug, love, marriage, time
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend: "What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?" "Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
Vote: has 79.27 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, relationship, time, Valentines day
Two old friends met by chance on the street. After chatting for some time, one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me." The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, friendship, memory, old people, time
Yo mama is so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Vote: has 78.02 % from 334 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, love, Yo mama
A teenager is a hopeless romantic who never falls in love more then twice a week.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, romantic, teen, time
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
Vote: has 76.22 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, marriage, time, women
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, friendship, love, single
Yo mama so fat when she tossed in her sleep she woke up in another time zone.
Vote: has 72.14 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, time, Yo mama