Joke #12896

My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
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has 79.91 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship

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I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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has 81.65 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wine
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
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has 77.53 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship, romantic, Valentines day
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: love, mean
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend". "Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"? After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, men, relationship, sex
My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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has 74.36 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: communication, couple, love, relationship, single
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom. Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?" "My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: dirty, marriage, mean, relationship, sex
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, love, mean, wedding
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
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has 72.70 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, single, women