Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.
First woman in space: "Houston, we have a problem." What? "Never mind." What's the problem? "Nothing." Please tell us. "I'm fine."
"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
Yo mama's so fat, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.
A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off. The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway. The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?". To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
A chubbier woman: "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Mirror: "Kindly move aside. I can't see anything."
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Yo momma is so old, they use strands of her hair to carbon date dinosaur fossils.
Yo momma is so fat, that when NASA put her on the moon, her breasts were the only things bouncing... just like on earth.
Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.