Q: What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
A: Have an ice day!
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A little bird was flying south for the Winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
1. Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Vote:
In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida.
Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami.
"Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks."
"I’m awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied."
Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.
"What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there’s a room.
"Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
"Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic."
"I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?"
"Jesus, Son of Mary."
"Where was he born?"
"In a stable."
"And why was he born in a stable?"
"Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"
Q: What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night?
A: Cold cream!
Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?
A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
My mother has painted a picture with such cold colours that if I want to take a look at it closely, I must have an anorak, the gloves, the winter cap and a scarf on, not to freeze.
Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women?
A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.