Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.
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Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?"
Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
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Me: What do you call someone who isn't sure if they like egg nog or not?
Wife: What?
Me: An Eggnogstic.
Wife: This is grounds for divorce.
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.
Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.
"I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
Everytime a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.".
Question: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
Answer: Divorced.
To be or not to be?
That is the question.
The answer?
Chuck Norris.
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A teenage boy overdosed on ten bottles of Viagra.
Not only is he lucky to be alive, he’s lucky not to have taken his eye out.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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