Teeth says to tongue: if I just press a little, you'll get cut.
Tongue replies: if i misuse a single word, all 32 of you will come out.
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Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato?
A: "You better catch up!"
You know what I was thinking about right now?
What it would be like to have six fingers....high fives would be different.
Man: You've brought religion into my life.
Woman: Really? How?
Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position".
The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
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Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.
Police: Where do u live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where does ur parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do u all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is ur house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: If i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: Tell me
Me: Next to my house...
Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Yell at her.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.
The only difference is, then he kills people.
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