Teeth says to tongue: if I just press a little, you'll get cut.
Tongue replies: if i misuse a single word, all 32 of you will come out.
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Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me."
Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
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What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
Speed bumps.
Programming is like sex
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.