Joke #2769

Teeth says to tongue: if I just press a little, you'll get cut. Tongue replies: if i misuse a single word, all 32 of you will come out.
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has 82.32 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: life

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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Business class yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
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has 80.54 % from 219 votes. More jokes about: life, travel
A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life. The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood." So god turned him into a maxi pad.
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has 48.37 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, god, life
A pastor was caught stealing in the church by a member of the church. This was the conversation between them Pastor: Blessed are those who see and don't talk. Member: For they shall receive their share. Amen.
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has 82.13 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: church, life
Without you I can't breath. I love you so much my nose.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life, love
How many mexicans does it take to build... Oh shit, They're done!
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has 74.80 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: life, mexican, work
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?" The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must of shot the bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
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has 85.67 % from 378 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, kids, life
I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
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has 61.40 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: business, life, math, time, women
Where are you going for vacation this year? I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
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has 49.00 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: life