Joke #2769

Teeth says to tongue: if I just press a little, you'll get cut. Tongue replies: if i misuse a single word, all 32 of you will come out.
Vote: has 82.78 % from 222 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London. The waiter tells them, "Excuse me if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease." The Texan says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
Vote: has 84.80 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, life
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, death, IT, life, phone
A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard. The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid hag was hiding under the bed Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
Vote: has 77.47 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
You WILL be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
Vote: has 52.42 % from 183 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, marriage, religious
What are the three rules for being a plumber? 1. Hot water is always on the left. 2. Shit doesn't flow uphill 3. Never chew your fingernails.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am." The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more." The man below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?!!"
Vote: has 75.95 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, management
A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency? He said quickly Obama. When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a Kenyan and won?
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, political
Q: What is height of forgetfulness? A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
'My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life