Teeth says to tongue: if I just press a little, you'll get cut. Tongue replies: if i misuse a single word, all 32 of you will come out.
How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people? You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”
Women prefer the simple things in life… like men.
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
What has a head, a tail, and no body? A coin!
What is the best type of ship? FRIENDSHIP!
Life is like a box of chocolates: A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
Doc, I think I need to wear glasses Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.
Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician? A: Drummers.