Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?
A: He wanted maximum isolation.
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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.
"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."
"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
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Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
Yeah... now he has no ears.
Chuck Norris sleeps with his gun over his pillow.
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Yo mama's so ugly that slender-man ran from her.
She's also the reason why slender-man doesn't have eyes.
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
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Someone call CSI.
I just killed my workout.
When Chuck Norris talks, E.F. Hutton listens.
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