Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?
A: He wanted maximum isolation.
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Ozzy Ozbourne once bit the head off a bat. Not one to be outdone, Chuck Norris bit the head off Batman!
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A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.
The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.
The three start to build a watchtower.
The stranger offers to take first watch.
While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! Get back to work!"
The husband yells back, "We're not having sex!"
Later, the stranger yells out to them again.
Again, the husband yells back and corrects him.
This happens several times during the stranger's shift.
Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower.
His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach.
The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"
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Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph.
Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
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Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?
"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in." - Terry Venables.
Q: What explorer was the best at Hiding and Seek?
A: Marco Polo.
J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day?
A: TWERKY!
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A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.
Very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious.
He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.
Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris
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