Joke #1199

Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
Vote: has 76.44 % from 859 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: masturbation, sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying, "I need a man, I need a man." So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying, "I need a bike, I need a bike!!!"
Vote: has 82.58 % from 2652 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone. So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence. After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store clerk for help. The store clerk recommended the "Voodoo D**k." "How does it work?" asked the businessman. The clerk unwrapped the Voodoo D**k from its ceremonial tiki box and said to it, "Voodoo D**k that door." The vibrator flew out of the box and attacked the door with such vigor that the door split in half. "Fantastic," said the man. "I'll take it!" He instructed his wife on how to use the Voodoo D**k and left on his business trip. Soon, his wife decided to try it out and said the magic words: "Voodoo D**k my p***y." The Voodoo D**k flew out of the box and gave her orgasm after orgasm. But soon it became too much, and she couldn't figure out how to make it stop. So she got into her car and began driving to the hospital, swerving so much that she got pulled over by the police. The policeman asked her why she was driving so recklessly and she explained to him that she had a Voodoo D**k inside her that wouldn't leave her alone. The policeman looked at her skeptically and said, "Voodoo D**k, my ass."
Vote: has 79.61 % from 704 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, masturbation, sex, travel, wife
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
Vote: has 77.32 % from 162 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dirty, masturbation, money, sex
Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?" Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M." Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that." "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
Vote: has 74.15 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: masturbation, sex, women
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
Vote: has 62.47 % from 119 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
Vote: has 52.21 % from 162 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
Vote: has 46.16 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cowboy, sex
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.
Vote: has 63.82 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, gay, life, masturbation
A priest passed near a young boys gang that were hanging out next to the church. He went close to them and asked them: "What are you boys doing there?" "Not much, Father. We are playing a game in which however says the biggest lie about his sexual life, wins!" "Oh, boys!" surprised said the priest. "When I was your age I wasn’t even thinking about sex!" And the boys unanimously: "You won, Father!"
Vote: has 77.67 % from 503 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, church, life, priest, sex