Q: How do Columbians develop muscle?
A: By pushing drugs.
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Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
Vote:
A man and his son went into a store.
The kid picked a USA flag and told his dad: "Dad, I want this flag."
The man tells him: "Nah, this looks too bright. Check if it's available in a different color."
At the gym:
Me: "What does this machine do?"
"Sir, that's a bench."
Me: "Perfect."
Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people?
A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.
Q: What do you call an African-American whose spouse just died?
A: A black widow.
Vote:
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
I do two hours of cardio every day.
But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
Q: "What do you call a Muslim shrink?
A: A terrorpist."
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs.
Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder.
They ask the girl: "What kind of powder is that?"
"Heroin"
"But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange."
"This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."