It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date.
They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start.
The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand.
Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound.
The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"
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Q: Why do C# programmers have trouble dating women?
A: They want women with class, but they treat them like objects.
A guy tells his friends:
The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
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I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day.
Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning.
Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and you'll go places.
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A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day.
"What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight," he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
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Phones are getting thinner and smarter.
People, not so much.
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How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus?
Don't worry, they'll let you know.
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Yo momma is so fat when she walked by the TV i missed 3 episodes!
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A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge.
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery.
As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"
"No, you don't understand!" she replies.
"I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
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