Q: Why did the one handed man cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.
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Q: Did you hear that the travel agency NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN offers the flights over the Bermuda Triangle?
A: Mostly is the trip successful for the first time, max. for the second time. Very popular is also the camping in tents near the shore of the river Nile.
These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again.
They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.
They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys said "What’s that board for?"
The trader said, "Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this."
They said "No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!"
The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don’t use them. I’ll refund your money next year."
"Okay," they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."
The trader said, "Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?"
"Yeah" said the guy.
"Where is he?" asked the trader.
"I shot him" said the guy.
"Why?"
"I caught him in bed with my board."
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
A young punk gets on the cross-town bus.
He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple, and orange.
His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags.
His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes.
His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers.
He sits down in the only vacant seat that's directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot....
I thought maybe you were my son.''
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"
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Chuck Norris doesn't travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris!
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When I reached to a desert island I didn't find anybody; so I turned home!
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An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.
He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!"
Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits.
The machine suddenly sounds;
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
The man blacked out with the machine's ability.
So, he decided to trick the machine.
He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine.
"But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.
He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.
Then, he did the same routine.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.
-You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you.. lost the train!
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All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel.
If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites.
Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.