Joke #12526

One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, health

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Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? A: "Some asshole has my pen!"
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has 84.57 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, nurse
Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets." Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here." "But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog." The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table. His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says. "A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
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has 84.25 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: dog, food, friendship, health, time
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, " ;because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... The ass hole is usually in charge.
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has 82.80 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, life, management, work
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 81.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!" Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"
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has 81.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, health, stupid
Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?" "Bread" "Yes" "Hamburger" "Ok" A five years girl answered "Light", "Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?" "Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".
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has 78.34 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, food, kids, sex
Did you hear about the man whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
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has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, health
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
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has 76.89 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison
Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
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has 76.80 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, health
Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!" Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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has 76.01 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar