Joke #12526

One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, health

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I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
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has 84.25 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, food
Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets." Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here." "But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog." The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table. His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says. "A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
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has 84.03 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: dog, food, friendship, health, time
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, " ;because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... The ass hole is usually in charge.
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has 83.83 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, life, management, work
Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
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has 79.96 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, time
Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? A: "Some asshole has my pen!"
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has 79.46 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, nurse
Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!" Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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has 79.24 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know." Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone." Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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has 78.95 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, single
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
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has 77.17 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's. "What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter. "Apple," he said. "Then why is it called Herman's pie?" "Because Herman called in to reserve it."
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food
Did you hear about the man whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication, health