Me - Can you go to your moms room?
Friend - Yeah, why?
Me - I left my pants in there.
Friend - Fuck you!
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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A lickalotopis
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex?
Girl: A threesome
Boy: What's it called when two people have sex?
Girl: A twosome
Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome
How does a gay man fake an orgasm?
He spits on his partners back.
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them.
The first nun has a stroke.
The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
Brrr! My hands are cold.
Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton?
A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank?
A: The sperm is handmade.
2 cowboys talking about s*x.
1 cowboy says "I like the rodeo position !"
"I haven't heard of that ... " says the other cowboy, "what is it ?"
"Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts and whisper "these feel just like your sisters" and try and hold on for 8 seconds !"