Joke #1263

Me - Can you go to your moms room? Friend - Yeah, why? Me - I left my pants in there. Friend - Fuck you!

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him. The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample." The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."

My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Make choking noises...

Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.

An Italian and a Greek were arguing about which country added the most to civilization. The Greek: We built the Acropolis! the Italian: We built the colloseum! The Greek: We gave the world advanced math! the Italian: We made the Roman Empire! The Greek: We discovered sex! the Italian: And we introduced it to women!

What did one tit say to the other? I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children? A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were really pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.