Joke #12679

Q: Why do Soviet soldiers always miss? A: They have terrible Marxmanship.

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east." The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degres west." Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!" "I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir." Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!" There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

Q: Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors? A: So they can see the battlefield.

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up". He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."

French Army rifles for sale – never fired and only dropped once!

On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight." The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again." A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?" "This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."

In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine. Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges. As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.

Q: Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them? A: So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.

Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"

Obama and his generals in the Pentagon discussed, and they could not agree on, what is the best time for the assault on Russia. Finally, they decide to ask the French: "When is it best to invade Russia?" The French answered: "We do not know, but certainly not in the winter, it would go wrong for sure." Therefore, it would probably be better to ask the Germans: "When is it best to invade Russia?" The Germans answer: "We do not know, but it certainly would not be in the summer. We have tried, already..." What to do? Someone proposes to ask China that is progressive and always comes up with a new idea. So they asked the Chinese, "When is the best time to invade Russia?" The Chinese replies: "Right now!" Russia began to build "The Strength of Siberia" pipeline, "Turkish stream", The Spaceport "Vostochny", The Bridge to the Crimea, and in the near future they will modernize the BAM, they are building new sports complexes for the World Cup in football and athletics, they are planning oil extraction in the Arctic... Right now they do need a lot of POW as work force.

Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.