Sorry, I'm late.
I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.
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When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
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An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him.
"Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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Two boys have taken part in IQ tests at the well-known psychologist.
The first boy has opened the door after 30 minutes of testing and has screamed: "wow, perfect, unbelievable, I have 60 points, I have 60 points!"
After another 30 minutes has opened the door the second boy and has screamed: "wow, super, I have 62 points, I have 62 points!"
They sat down and asked each other: "and what does it mean, that you have 60 points and I have 62 points? Let us ask the psychologist what does it mean?"
The psychologist has said: "the 60 and 62 points means that you are both idiots."
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: You kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
KFC in Asia?
Korean fried cat.
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Q: Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors?
A: So they can see the battlefield.
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse?
Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.