When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
Got said, "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."
Before the 16th century, the sun really did go around the earth. Chuck Norris just decided to change it as a prank.
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Chuck Norris once played The Price Is Right. The prices attempted to guess the numbers Chuck Norris was thinking of.
One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."
When Chuck goes into outer space his head doesn't pop, space pops around his head!
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents. Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha. Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."