When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
Before the 16th century, the sun really did go around the earth. Chuck Norris just decided to change it as a prank.
Got said, "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes? A: 12 pirates.
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?" Mom: "Because he never lies." Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
The reason Chuck Norris has never been a doctor on House is because, he would find the diagnosis in one second. It'd always be Norris Anger Disease.
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was recently hospitalize, because Chuck Norris poked him.