Joke #13659

When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.

Before the 16th century, the sun really did go around the earth. Chuck Norris just decided to change it as a prank.

Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

Got said, "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game. This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: "your standing too close the ball". So I adjusted my stance and took another swing. Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing "you are too close to the ball." So I stepped back a little more and swung. This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hell are you talking about! The old pro said, "no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it".

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body. Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"