"Wow, look at that! Isn't it beautiful? Let's destroy it."
-People
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Q: Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors?
A: So they can see the battlefield.
French Army rifles for sale – never fired and only dropped once!
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
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Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat."
"You're much bigger than that."
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The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.
In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.
Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.
His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon.
He told his Syrian guest, “Take anything you want – our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.”
“No, no – you don’t understand!” the Syrian replied.
“Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!”
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh.
"Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid."
"Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?"
Mom: "Because he never lies."
Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.
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