Joke #12986

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, death

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Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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has 85.56 % from 1826 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!" The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?" The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!" Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, "See? That man has balls!" The marine general says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!" The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?". The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself." Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds. The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!" The admiral says, "That's nothing." He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?" The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!" The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!" The admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"
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has 85.56 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, military, navy, stupid
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
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has 85.28 % from 1398 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 85.24 % from 708 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
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has 85.24 % from 260 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?" He said, "A bus passed over his finger!" I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause." My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"
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has 84.47 % from 276 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, friendship, travel
On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. "OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!" I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. "Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!" "Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench." Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down. "Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied. "What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously. "I ran a morgue." was the reply.
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has 82.51 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, time, work
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
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has 82.03 % from 300 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris was once shot. The bullet died.
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has 81.98 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
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has 80.98 % from 283 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death