Joke #13035

Phones are getting thinner and smarter. People, not so much.

An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."

A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States." The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?" Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus? Don't worry, they'll let you know.

yo momas so stupid when theives broke into her house and stole the TV she chased after them shouting ''wait you forgot the remote''.

Yo momma is so fat when she walked by the TV i missed 3 episodes!

Me using the Siri app on my iPhone: Me: "Siri, call my wife." Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts." Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife." Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife." Me: "Call my wife." Siri: "Which wife?"

A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.

If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice. Overnight an Asian will come to your house, fix the phone, eat the rice and then run away.